WHY DO YOU DO IT? WHAT DRIVES YOU?
I feel like this has changed over time. At one point, I described my writing as an act of problem solving – trying to get to the bottom of some sort of anxiety I couldn't easily define. At other times, it's been an addiction – something I needed to do no matter how much it interfered with the more functional parts of my life.
Currently, I find it more-or-less grounding. It's a daily practice, like exercise or meditation, that seems to provide abstractly positive results. And it's become more of a goal-oriented process; working toward a novel or whatever it may be.
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU DO FOR SANITY MAINTENANCE?
This may be a boring answer, but...
Exercise.
I turned 38 this past year, which feels ancient to me. In response to aging, and some other more disorienting life circumstances, I recommitted to a fairly strict fitness regimen. Meaning, I go to the gym, or Muay Thai classes, or whatever, most every day. If I skip a day, I feel irritable, more prone to depression, etc...My outlook becomes more severe.
WHAT IS THE SCRAPPIEST THING YOU’VE DONE TO MAKE OR SAVE $$?
Not sure if this counts as scrappy, but I've dabbled in most every kind of sex work that I'm aware of. At times, this seemed mundane, like any kind of day job. Occasionally, it was a lot of fun. Most often, I was filled with desperation. Not sure I want to go into the worst of it during an interview like this.
In short, I've always been afraid of not having enough money, of going broke. Maybe I have more options now. Certainly, I feel like I have more gratifying ways to make money.
But I'm no stranger to self-debasement.
YOUR TASK IS TO PRESCRIBE ONE BOOK OR FILM TO THE COLLECTIVE FOR MANDATORY CONSUMPTION. WHAT IS IT?
THE CATHEDRAL OF MIST by Paul Willems.
I picked up an English translation on a whim at the 2018 Brooklyn Book Fest. I'd never heard of Willems. But the cover art made me feel like I'd discovered the literary version of an atmospheric black metal album.
Anyway, it's a short collection of beautiful, surreal stories of magical architecture and sorrowful, poetic narratives. There are also a couple of essays on reading and writing, which I very much enjoyed.
I feel like the book marked a shift in my influences, from the bleak, minimalist style of early Bret Easton Ellis and Dennis Cooper that I loved as a teenager and young adult, to a more expansive, magical realism that's been starting to creep into my work.
It's the kind of book most people could read in an afternoon. So, I recommend it to anyone who's interested in reading, who wants a bit of beauty cast into their life.
current obsession?
Aging prose stylists. Aging gym bros. Cold, precise, mean-as-fuck writers. Absurdly optimistic tech-bros who are into stoicism and money (I've likely been seduced by the 'male influencer').
MOST USEFUL FAILURE?
My porn career falling apart was one of the more devastating parts of my life. On the other hand, thank God I don't have to do that shit anymore. For a more in-depth explanation: buy one of my books.
SELECTED Q FROM THE PROUST QUESTIONNAIRE: What is your favorite OCCUPATION?
I never thought I'd be able to use Proust to plug my business-slash-day-job, but here we go...
I'm a freelance video editor and motion designer, and run an independent creative studio called UNK Post, where I focus on short form video content, primarily for advertising.
I used to have dreams of a sexier job, like being a novelist or film director. But I think it's working out nicely to have an art practice that's separate from my career. I enjoy my writing practice, where I can indulge in whatever I feel like, and where I have the ability to publish every few years. But I'm finding, more and more, that it's important for me to have a business where I get to focus on solving problems for other people, where I'm not so emotionally involved, where there's a necessity for momentum that's driven by money and so forth.
This past year, I had a mentor tell me – in the context of my motion design business – to stop trying to make art, that people only care about themselves and will never give a shit about what I'm doing unless it helps them, to stop putting myself in the way and just focus on solving problems for my clients. That kind of thinking might be obvious to some people, but it was kind of a radical mindset shift for me. I find it quite freeing.
WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY WORKING ON?
My newest release, CREATION: ON ART AND UNBECOMING, recently dropped from Apocalypse Party Press. It's a collection of stories and essays loosely tied to themes of art and violence. It also contains an overarching narrative of my real-world friendship to multidisciplinary artist, Luka Fisher. I'm hoping it's a nice balance of brutality and joyful sincerity.So, I'm working on the post-book-release attempt to get people to give a shit.
I'm also re-editing my last novel, THE MAGICIAN, which is getting a 2nd edition reprint through Apocalypse Party later this year (2024). The book is sort of an occult noir loosely based on the year or two that followed my sex work retirement.
Beyond that, I'm working on a horror novel that I have a number of unreasonable plans for. We'll see how many of them come to fruition.
DISCIPLINE OR ANARCHY?
I'll preface my answer with the acknowledgement that I can't possibly have the answer as to how everyone should live their life. That said, I do find it useful to have a clearly defined point of view, even if it's likely to change.
So...
Anarchy is for youth and liars, and maybe some older rich people who have very little at stake in terms of actions and consequences.
If we're talking about anarchy as chaos, I don't need any more of that in my life.
If we're talking about anarchy as some kind of social utopia that lacks hierarchy, I don't believe it's possible, unless we're citing extremely small religious communities where everyone involved has agreed to the same ideology. In any case, I'm not interested. Most people I've encountered who espouse that belief system are fucking lazy idiots. Or children (Full disclosure: I wrote my 8th grade English paper on the revolutionary anarchist, Mikhail Bakunin; perhaps he had more of a work ethic than the average socialist cosplay, coffee shop loiterer).
So I'm going with discipline.
